Real life with 2 kids - The worry that comes with adding a second child

I have always, always looked forward to being a mother! I love young children and couldn’t wait to have my own. Motherhood was no disappointment and I could not have been happier with my little boy Simon! We were best friends and I am still amazed at how much love I have for this tiny human.

Even though we tried hard for and very much wanted a second child, there was part of me that was actually sad I’d have to share my time and attention between two children. During almost my whole second pregnancy, I had serious worries about dividing my life and love between 2 kids. We’d been out of the baby stage for a while, finally had some freedom to do things with a potty trained 2 year old, and I LOVED the one-on-one time I got to spend with my oldest son, Simon.

It was especially frustrating whenever I voiced this concern to others because people always said things like,

“Your love doubles, not divides”

or

“It’ll be fine, I’ve got 4!”

or

“You’re overthinking it, don’t worry about it now.”

While those things were probably true and meant to be helpful, they often made me more frustrated. I had real concerns and worries like:

– I was HONESTLY afraid I wouldn’t love the second child as much as I love my first.

– I didn’t WANT to give less attention to my oldest because I loved our one-on-one time. He really was my best little friend.

– I was nervous about the lack of sleep with a newborn AND having another child to care for. I didn’t want Simon to get neglected or ignored while I took care of the baby.

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I knew I’d love all my children, but I was SO happy with my little Simon and I was scared for our relationship to change. I loved every minute with him and especially after dad had spent 5 months away for Army training, I felt so connected to my little boy. We were best friends and I was so torn between having another child and “giving up” the happy life I so much enjoyed.

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When my sweet Hyrum was born I did miss the alone time with my oldest, Simon, but the first month postpartum was actually great! Physical recovery was much easier the second time around and I adjusted to life with a newborn really smoothly. Hyrum slept a lot and I was feeling pretty good about life! What as all the worry for??

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The next 6 months however, were more difficult to say the least. I struggled with postpartum depression this time around and Hyrum was a totally different baby than my first. He was active, needed entertained, and we had the same breastfeeding struggles as with Simon which was so challenging. My attention was being pulled away from Simon and while he actually didn’t mind much, I felt so guilty about our relationship changing and him having less mom time.

The first 6 months with 2 kids were a blur honestly and I’m so grateful to all those who helped me through some rough times. Grocery store trips were frazzling, church was almost unbearable, and my time and attention were divided (Bless my sweet husband for being so helpful and patient with me! What a strength he is to our family).

There were several times in those first few months when people told me things would get better after 6-8 months in with two kids. I remember being SO frustrated by this because that was MONTHS away! Ok, I get that a few months doesn’t seem that long, but what was I supposed to do in the meantime? Just put my head down and survive??

Dye in the hair, baby on the breast, and a bum that needs wiped… #realmomlife

Here’s a REAL MOM LIFE moment on a good day when I was willing to laugh at myself a little and snap a photo. Here’s me dyeing my hair to hide the gray, breastfeeding the hungry baby, and of course Simon pooped and needed a wipe all at the same time. The struggle is REAL! #momlife

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But guess what, things did get better. About the 6 month mark the fog did lift and I started to see the joys of having 2 children. My sweet Simon was so patient with me and helpful with his little brother. He is a truly amazing and sweet spirit and I’m so grateful he was our first son. I started to appreciate the differences in my 2 boys and wished I’d taken time to notice and enjoy that sooner. Hyrum is so naturally happy, bright, and playful. He loves new things and being social with others. He LOVES his dad and there were some wonderfully tender moments between Hyrum and his dad even at a very young age. He is still very attached to him and I’m pretty sure he likes him better than me! (Even WITH mom having the sustaining milk of life! Get your priorities straight kid!)

For all those who may also be struggling with the idea of adding a second child or in the throws of early family life, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am absolutely IN LOVE with life with 2 kids! Nothing melts my heart faster than seeing these two boys interact and play with each other. Hyrum wants to copy everything his older brother does (he calls him Bubba) and Simon loves teaching his younger brother all the important things. They prefer to sleep in the same room and love to cuddle with each other in the morning. Bath time…. oh my word… two butts are definitely better than one!!!

*On a side note, this is the BEST stroller I’ve EVER purchased!! Cheap, folds up small, fits through doors, and it works great for 2 kids. Here’s the link for you!

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I rolled my eyes when people said there would be enough love to go around, but it’s true… ugh, whatever. My relationship isn’t the same with Simon as it used to be, but honestly I think it’s better in some ways. He’s more patient and kind and we still have the same tender moments that we used to. Simon and I will always have a special bond from those 3 years we spent together. I’ve never regretted adding a 2nd child to our family, but I’m so grateful that I’ve found ways to grow and accept the change in family dynamic that it brings. I have a feeling that I’ll look back on this time in my life with the fondest memories because while having 2 kids to care for is exhausting sometimes, it’s also so rewarding, enjoyable, and (dare I say) fun!

Being a mother is the thing I’ve looked forward to most in my life and I’m so grateful for the opportunity that God has given to me. We’ve had many struggles getting these tiny humans to our arms but they’ve been worth every sadness we endured. My heart breaks with empathy as I watch friends and family also struggle with creating their earthly family because I remember those times so well. I hold my husband and 2 young sons closer now and take time to appreciate the blessings I’ve been given.

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I wouldn’t trade life with 2 kids for anything. It sounds cliche, but I can’t image life any other way now. I’d never go back to just one child (not that you can) because the love and happiness that having 2 children has brought me is unimaginable. I’m so in love with being a mother of young children and I look forward to the men they will become one day! I’m kinda dreading the teenage years because I love young growing minds so much, but I may go back to work at that point and have their father stay home and deal with it! Ha!

If you’re having any of these same feelings about adding a second child, just know you’re not alone. It’s ok to be worried and it’s ok to let things change. Life is all about learning and adjusting so I encourage you to find joy at whatever stage you’re at. If your struggling, reach out to those that love you and take your time to adjust. No one is happy all the time, but trying to get there and never giving up is the important part. I love my family and I love my Savior. I’m so blessed to be a mother and will keep trying to find the joys it brings.